SPEAKER_00 0:03

University. We like to think we're in complete control of our choices, our goals, and our daily directions. But what if a silent partner has been pulling the strings all along? Welcome to Universally Personal, the podcast where we dive deep into the shared human experiences that connect us all and the deeply personal shifts that change everything. I'm your host, Greg Allen. Today we are joined by the energetic and incredibly insightful Denise Biggerstaff to talk about one of our most primitive, persuasive drivers, fear. Denise is here to break down how fear subtly motivates our lives while we are often completely blind to it, and how bringing this hidden force into the light can fundamentally change how we move through the world. Settle in.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Universally personal. And we suffer because we believe things about ourselves. And we have a lens we look through that is all about safety. So we believe things. So when your lens tells you what is safe or unsafe, and you have a reaction, most of us are not conscious enough to understand that we're just trying to stay safe. So we believe things. We get our feelings hurt, right? We back away from challenges. We stay small and limited, or we get assertive and aggressive and we come against people and we cause harm. We're just trying to stay safe. So we believe things. And in that radical acceptance that life is going to bring you things that are challenging, that don't feel good, that you're going to interpret as unsafe, and you have the ability to believe something else. You don't have to believe everything you think. You don't have to believe everything you think. You have the ability to believe something else. You have the ability to believe something else. In my coaching, I have the benefit of viewing the world through the Enneagram now, and the Enneagram is a pretty complex system. The key through the Enneagram is how are you processing the world? We have a lens we look through. How are you processing the world? How are you processing? We believe things about ourselves and we have a lens we look through that is all about safety. You have the ability to believe something else. You don't have to believe everything you think. So you're driving down the expressway, which in itself is enough to, you know, cause alarm, but you know, that person that comes flying up beside you and in your periphery, and you kind of have the jolt and the the fear reaction, and then you're like, oh, I'm safe, but my body has to catch up, right? I'm safe, but my body has to catch up. So those are the things that we move through the world with and we determine whether we're safe or not. So it could be the group we're with. We're very tribal, you know. Am I safe in my group? Will I get what I need? It could be resources. Do I have enough of what I need? And you can name those. It could be people, but it could be time, it could be money. And then what about my relationships? Are they solid? Are they creative? Are they bringing me what I need? And do I feel like I'm growing? Like all of those pieces are lenses we look through to determine safety. Am I safe? Will I get what I need? So when your lens tells you what is safe or unsafe, and you have a reaction, we're just trying to stay safe. So we believe things. You don't have to believe everything you think, everything you think. We suffer because we believe things about ourselves, and we have a lens we look through that is all about safety. You have the ability to believe something else.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

But once we start to notice that baseline, once we wake up to the fact that fear is in the driver's seat, the question becomes: what do we do next? How do we actually interrupt those hardwired impulses in the heat of the moment? Let's transition into the next piece of the puzzle.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

I want people to enjoy each other and to enjoy their work. Universally personal. And our amygdala in our limbic system is set up to be the radar. So it's scanning a hundred percent of the time. And we don't know that, right? But we have reactions to the things in front of us. We have reactions to the things in front of us. So let's just have the conversation around the reaction so you can start noticing it. Let's just have the conversation. Because after you and I talk about it, you're gonna walk away from me, and then I want you to pick up on it. And you will. Your brain will start going, there it is, there it is, there it is. But we have reactions to the things in front of us. Let's just have the conversation. We apply, you know, assumptions to everything in the name of staying, you know, safe. Do I have to believe this? The next step is we don't stop the reaction. It's going to happen. It's going to happen. We're going to have a response because that's what the amygdala does. I have to keep you safe. You're not paying attention. This is important for you to know. Duck, right? Then the next step is once I start recognizing it through the noticing, then I choose to be conscious. I choose to be aware. Let's just have the conversation around the reaction so you can start noticing it. Then I can say, Oh, thank you very much, Amygdalite. You're so helpful. Uh, but you're not gonna drive the bus. You're not gonna drive the bus. One of, you know, I I help myself and my clients see the number of personas that talk to them. And I use the idea of a bus, you know, and when Judge Judy is driving the bus, we're getting tons of critique, criticism internally and externally. It that is an amygdala response that's trying to keep us some type of safe or contained or you know, whatever we're feeling like we need. So the invitation when you're conscious is to say, Oh, I I see you, and you have kept me safe for a long time, Judge Judy, but I don't need you driving the bus. So head to the back and I'll take over. And there's a real release when you get to do that, yeah, when you're conscious, there's a real release when you get to do that, yeah, when you're conscious. So I would say this. Where am I suffering? And most of the time, when we're suffering, we're either beating ourselves up, we're not hitting the mark, something isn't right with us, or we look out and there are plenty of people to blame, right? Plenty of people I need to rescue. Those are all internal messaging that keeps us unhappy, suffering, you know, uh questioning. So, first of all, knowing that we all play roles is important, and then naming beyond that the those personas, getting conscious around that, and then the release, like, let me take over. Thank you very much. And there's a real release when you get to do that, yeah, when you're conscious. I mean, that's what I want to do, you know, in in my family and in the teams I work with. I want people to enjoy each other and to enjoy their work, and so many of us are just suffering and unhappy and unfulfilled. Let's just have the conversation around the reaction so you can start noticing it. We must be self-aware first. And there's a real release when you get to do that. Yeah, when you're conscious.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

But Denise has shown us that awareness is exactly where our freedom lies. The next time you feel that sudden flare of irritation, anxiety, or defensiveness, pause. Recognize the reaction, breathe through the fear, and remember that you have the power to choose a better response. If you dare, share this episode with someone who could use it. And while you're feeling bold, follow us and send a fan mail just to let us know you're listening. We'll have more from Denise in the future. Until next time, be fit, stay sharp, and say it with me. You know you want to. Listen closely. Universal personal.