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Universally Personal.

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Welcome back to Universally Personal. I'm your host, Greg Allen. Joining us today is Isaac Martin, a practicing psychotherapist who dedicates his career to helping people navigate the messy, beautiful complexities of human connection. In this episode, we break down why profound relationship changes do not require grand gestures, but rather the compounding power of small things often. Isaac also shares a refreshing perspective on personal development, explaining why timing is everything and why you might not be ready for your next level of growth just yet. Isaac also talks about his solo hikes and how it has such a grounding experience. Get ready for a deeply practical grounding experience with Isaac.

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Universally personal.

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Small things often. It's a way to help couples envision a way forward to rebuild connection or trust. Sometimes things are so broken, it feels like, how are we gonna get back from here? But if you do the small things often enough over enough time, you can rebuild trust and connection in a couple relationship. Small things often. I think there's a spiritual dimension to it also. That there are small things that we do day to day throughout the day that draw us nearer to God or pull us away from Him in small ways. The quality of our relationship with God is through small things often. Or the lack of quality is through other small things often. The quality of our relationship with God is through small things often. If you do the small things often enough over enough time, you can rebuild trust and connection. A lot of my decisions have a much bigger impact. Almost like we're always on a continuum with the state that we're in, and that we're always moving in one direction. Most of our decisions in a day are not neutral. They're moving us up and down a continuum of health or life-giving energy. Most of our decisions in a day are not neutral. And so when certain things happen, or I come up upon a situation and I fail at it miserably, um, and I look back at it and I go, where are you at with your small things? And I go, Well, no wonder you didn't do well. You shouldn't have expected yourself to be in a frame or a state of mind to handle that well because your small things were not there. Not there. Where are you at with your small things? If you do the small things often enough over enough time, you can rebuild trust and connection. Small things often. Most of our decisions in a day are not neutral. They're moving us up and down a continuum. The decision is: do I give myself permission to cut out on a commitment I made to myself in this small way? And then what does that do? And it's it we tend to think those things are not a big deal, but they add up. They add up, add up, they add up. Where are you at with your small things? Small things often. And so sometimes it helps me kind of make sense of what happened in my life and in other people's lives, but also it helps me hope. Because then I can go, okay, yeah, uh, here's a way forward. A way forward is for me to get into a rhythm that is better. A way forward is for me to get into a rhythm that is better. Where are you with your small things? Small things often.

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Next, I ask Isaac, what was something that he learned that was beneficial in his own growth?

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Universal personal.

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In John 16, Jesus says, I have many things to tell you, but you cannot bear them now. And I think about that all the time. As a counselor, I think, well, these are all the things I'm noticing about this situation. And it'd not be helpful for my clients if I were to say all of that out loud. This is what I'm noticing. This is what I'm noticing. These are the things that could use attention. These are the things that could use attention. You know, um, uh, that's maybe too much. This is what I'm noticing. These are the things that could use attention. That's maybe too much. And I've kind of learned, even personally, you know, as a parent or as a friend, a partner of any kind, uh, I want to keep in mind that there are a lot of things I could tell people, but they can't always bear it. I don't know, I found God to be very tender in revealing what is not right in my soul at a time when I can handle it. And I think if we're gonna be like him, we need to be mindful that every observation we have about other people is not something they can handle. Is not something they can handle. And that God is at work exposing that stuff or bringing that to the surface to get attention or healing or growth or whatever at a time when he knows we're ready for it. I found God to be very tender in revealing what is not right in my soul at a time when I can handle it. At a time when I can handle it. Sometimes we race ahead of the Holy Spirit, and I don't think we need to do that. I I think He'll take care of us. You have no need for any man to teach you, because the Spirit will tell you everything you need to know, guide you into all truth. And um I wish people would know that that heart of God, that attitude of God, that I'm I have so many things to tell you. Sometimes we race ahead of the homes. And uh I wish we would be that gracious with one another. And and trusting of God that he's gonna deal with you. Even if what you've got going on is bothering me. He's gonna deal with you in a time that is good for you. And and perhaps he will use me, and and and I may feel very compelled in a time of prayer to speak what I see, and that may be part of God's plan for you or for someone else. But I don't want to assume that because I see it I need to say it, and that because I see it, I need to say it. You know, we're not talking about uh a stray bag at the airport. You know what I mean? We're talking about the lives of people in a time that is good for me. I don't know, I found God to be very tender in revealing what is not right in my soul at a time when I can handle it. God is at work exposing that stuff or bringing that to the surface to get attention or healing or growth or whatever at a time when he knows we're ready for it. At a time when he knows we're ready for it. Yeah. I was surprised to find God being that tender with us. Because we spend a lot of time in a gospel presentation pointing at the sins that you must be carrying so that we create a stronger sense of a felt need for deliverance. And so our speech and our teaching and and even our guidance, discipleship, uh often looks like let's root out these sins. And I I do think, yes, God is taking us away from something. We need to get away from that and go towards. But just because that's a focus, holiness and and growing and moving out of the old self into the new self and taking hold of that for which he's taken hold of us and making your calling and election sure by pressing on, you know, all those kinds of things. That that's in there, and I I'm not saying we shouldn't be doing that, but it is it did become a hyper focus for me. So when I found God going like, I got you. You know, you can handle this now, and I say, Why didn't why didn't you like I made a fool of myself? Like I was being selfish and arrogant and prideful in front of all those people, and I I just made a fool of myself. And could you have spared me that? Could you have come and got my attention before that? And um and I mean I didn't really hear a response, but kind of the answer to that is like you you would have been so broken you might have given up at that time. And and I think that's true. I wouldn't have been able to handle it. Um it it would have it would have been a kind of shame I probably couldn't have got out of. Um, and uh I mean, yeah, you can always heal and grow, but the Lord in his wisdom said, I'll I'll let you know about that part of yourself a little bit down the road. And uh and he did, and I'm glad because I don't like that part of myself, and I need to keep fighting it. But yeah. And God is at work exposing that stuff at a time when he knows we're ready for it.

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Next, Isaac talks about the value of just being alone and how that has helped him discover more about who he really is.

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I feel most myself when I'm completely alone.

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Universally personal.

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For one of my birthdays, my wife's gift to me was some time I drove far away and went for a hike by myself and drove back, and it was a lot of hours by myself. That was a gift, you know, because someone's gotta manage the kids and my birthday's in the summertime, and you know, so she gave me that gift, and it was it was it was very nice. I gave it very quiet, and on that particular trip, I saw two people about 30 minutes in, and I saw no one else for the next four hours. A couple times I got a little spooked. I was like, if I roll my ankle and fall off the side of this trail, I might be a hurting, you know. But but it was mostly just really great to be alone. Part of it's nature. Nature's really good, it's grounding. Uh but the other part is it's really hard for me to be with other people and not be acting certain ways because I'm with other people. Not like I need their approval. Like, it's almost like an automatic feature of just being around them. Like, I respond, I'm responding. And uh for instance, when my when my wife met me, uh we were in a college group and we played volleyball a lot, and I was just screaming all the time. And and I was screaming because uh there was a social awkwardness in the root in the group, and there was a lot of socially awkward people. So um I was really loud and obnoxious to because I was breaking the ice. And I was breaking the ice all the time, and people were like rolling their eyes at me, but they were loving it. You know what I mean? So like I it was like stand-up and hey, so-and-so's here, and whoa, everybody can believe this guy. Look at him, you know what I mean? Like, just like a whole lot of energy, and uh and people kind of thought that who that's who I was, and so when my wife and I started dating, they're like that like that, but the loud guy? Like, you want to date the loud guy? And actually, that's just kind of a thing I put on because I thought the group needed it. And it did. I got thanked by by the leaders of that group for bringing the energy, so they needed it, and I like my instincts were correct, but sometimes I can be doing that real man. My energy can just go to whoever I'm with in a way that's like, oh, they need this, and I just start doing it. And then when I leave, I'm like, oh, I was squeezing myself into a weird posture there, and I I I re when I'm when I'm alone, it's like oh yeah. Yeah, there's a little bit of like just hearing my feet on the trail. I don't know, it's like just and I'm not in a hurry. Uh I I I stop and I I take pictures of a spider web, or hey, this mushroom is cool. My kids are gonna like that when I get home, and I'm just gonna get that from a couple angles, and or I don't know, the moss made a weird pattern on these roots, and I think that's really pretty. That looks like a screensaver. I'm gonna zoom in on that, and and when I show people, they're like, okay. You know, I'm not a great photographer, you know, but it's just really pretty. I just see lots of things, and I stop and I look and I I sit and I smell things, and and I I just like it. So it's a little bit more like it helps me be very present, not in a hurry, slow down, um, and almost like I don't have anything else to respond to but the beauty. Almost like I don't have anything else to respond to but the beauty. I was trying to capture how pretty the trail was because I love just seeing the trail wind through the trees, especially when there's like pines and the grounds covered with dead needles, and it's just so pretty, and sunlight's coming through at different angles, and so I was walking on the trail like with the camera kind of in front of me to the back, so I could show my wife how cool it is to see the trail receding as I walk. But when I showed her that video, um, she was she was not enamored by the trail. And once again, my photography might be to blame for that. My skills are limited. But uh she she's like, Look at your face, look at your face. She's like, You're you're so happy. And I was like, I I'm smiling. Like, I that I didn't catch that, that I was smiling while I'm panting, and because I don't do this often enough for my body to really be able to do it well. I'm panting, but smiling, and I didn't really catch that. And I just I stop and I breathe in the earth from the trail, and I listen to the breeze, and I watch the the light flicker on the ground from the shadows. So good. And I like I just hear the crunch of the the trail. Crunch, crunch, crunch. This is it. This is this is where I need to be.

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Thanks for listening to this episode with Isaac Martin. It's a beautiful reminder that deep connection lives in the micro moments, those small daily choices. He reminds us to be patient with ourselves. Long-term growth takes time, and we have to respect our own pace. If you enjoyed this episode, leave a comment on fan mail and share it with a friend who needs to hear Isaac's perspective. Until next time, be fit, stay sharp, and listen closely.