SPEAKER_01 0:02

Universal personal.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

What if the systems designed to protect and uplift a society are built exclusively for its central core? For today's guests, reality is far more hostile than simple neglect. What happens when a group of people feel like society has turned its machinery against the margins when targeting masquerades as public good? Welcome to University Personal. Our guest today is Ashley Rister, a cherished and essential community force and a relentless protector of everyone's right to just be. We often think of confidence as something innate, a spark you're simply born with. But what if confidence is a choice? A choice or to use it as a tool against a system designed to keep you alone and invisible. In a world obsessed with sorting people into neat boxes, Ashley refuses to wait for permission to just exist. This is a story about anxiety, chosen family, and what happens when you decide to take up every square inch of the space you deserve. Today's episode will be a little different. As Ashley explores three pivotal issues, I will step back completely. Some stories do not require a cosign. And my commentary could add nothing to Ashley's reflections, which are intimately informed, fiercely lived, and complete on their own. Here is Ashley in their own words.

SPEAKER_03 1:54

Yeah. I think centering myself, I need it a lot because I have a lot of anxiety. I'm just riddled with anxiety. I think one of the things that I tell myself is to go into the world with the confidence of a mediocre white man. So I a lot of times will think, like, well, if a mediocre white man had done that, like he probably would have gotten a raise. So I'll just continue to function and take up as much space and take up as much air as a mediocre white man would, and that usually helps. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

The confidence of a mediocre white man. Yeah. That usually helps. The confidence of a mediocre white man.

unknown 2:44

Yeah, whisper with me.

SPEAKER_03 2:47

For me, you know, like even the people just listening and hearing my voice probably have a certain look in their head on what I would look like because of the sound of my voice. But like then when you see me, the outside doesn't necessarily match the like sweet, higher-tempered voice that I have. But then, you know, you see the outside and you're like, wait a minute. Like, I remember being asked, even as like a little, little kindergarten kid, like, are you a boy or a girl? And that being something that like has just been a through line of my whole existence. And so going into spaces where it's like, I don't know what you are, but like having the confidence to not be known um always, or not necessarily be immediately understood or immediately perceived, but to know that like the people who like me will, and the people who don't can take a hike. Having the confidence to not necessarily be immediately understood. Are you a blair? Are you a lawyer? Like has just been a through line of my whole existence. Having the confidence to not necessarily be immediately understood.

unknown 4:10

No.

SPEAKER_03 4:11

I just get to exist just like everybody else does. Somebody who is cisgender, heterosexual, white presenting person, they can just walk into a room and just be. And so I walk into a room and I will just be. And people who are uncomfortable or people who have questions or people who, you know, need a little bit more explaining or need a little education around using pronouns, like I'm willing to educate all day, but like I'm not gonna explain myself before I have to. Right. No, I'm not gonna wait for permission to exist. I'm just gonna do it. And you know, if like those those that it bothers, like it's pretty uh quick to see, and it works itself out pretty quickly, too. You know, we have people who don't want us, us, the collective LGBTQ queer community to exist. And, you know, try as they might from 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s to 2000s to now to erase and eradicate that nuisance, but much like every other queer person in existence, like I'm not going anywhere. I'm not gonna wait for permission to exist. You know, we have people who don't want us to exist. I just get to exist just like everybody else does. I think that that is just a better way to be. Yeah. So that when the world comes for them, they feel alone. Feel alone. You know, like like, well, you can do it on your own. You should be independent, you should deal with everything by yourself, you should be able to, you know, but like when you have community, when you feel connected to others, the scary things don't feel as scary. You feel connected to others, but the scary things don't feel as scary as scary. When I know that I have a team of people in my corner to help protect and build up and create, that I don't feel as touchable as if I'm just by myself. You know, I think that part of that systemic, you know, racism, homophobia, transphobia, all of that is you're easier to pick off when you're an ostracized one. An ostracized one. When you feel alone and you feel at your lowest, you're easier to destroy than when you're surrounded by community and protected and and you feel built up and loved and nurtured and belonging, loved and nurtured. Especially for queer people, I think, that you know, people who are um you know, ostracized from their families or not necessarily understood by them or don't feel welcome or you know have to the idea of chosen family having those people around you that you've picked to have a a deeper relationship with and you know spend your holidays with and be a part of. Yeah, making sure that those you have those people around you because the world is dark. When you feel alone and you feel at your lowest, you're easier to destroy than when you're surrounded by community and protected and and you feel built up and loved and nurtured. We all need each other. The idea of chosen family, having those people around you that you've picked to have a deeper relationship with and you know, spend your holidays with and be a part of. Yeah, making sure that those you have those people around you. We all need each other. So I think that yeah, there's there's something to the argument of yeah, rugged independence that is probably meant to keep people from finding their people. I think being intentional around those relationships and then making just a little bit of progress, even when there's a setback, making even more progress brings me joy to be a part of. The idea of chosen family, having those people around you that you've picked, making sure that you have those people around you because the world is dark. We all need each other.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

Universally personal.

SPEAKER_03 10:04

It is my job as the pride committee director to protect everyone who is there, and whether that's working with local law enforcement to protect those people, putting in those safety scenarios to make sure that streets are blocked and rooftops are secured, and we're taking care of all of those people in those ways. But then also from the, you know, ground-level face-to-face person on the street who wants to hand out these pamphlets that talk about, you know, dirty sex. No, I'm not going to let that happen. And so, yeah, I flex my mediocre white man muscle of get out of here, pervert. And, you know, that usually does the trick. No, I'm not going to let that happen. And so, yeah, there will be only a certain level of um boogery that I'll tolerate. I had two guys show up at Loden to hand out anti-homosexual pamphlets. I was already down there, so you know, I got to follow him around and alert everyone that of his presence and, you know, ultimately make him feel silly for being at my house, essentially. You've come to my house and you are acting a fool. And so I will. I ramped up the um the embarrassment for him, which made him leave. You know, it's those moments where like this person has come into my space, is being disrespectful not only to me, but to the collective us. That is everyone who's come here to host a booth, everyone who's paid to be here, as far as a vendor setup, there's nonprofits here, there's churches here, there's groups that are are here gathering signatures and things like there's lots of people here who are here because they want to be a part of Pride. And so for him to come into our space to exercise his perceived First Amendment right to be an asshole, um I won't allow it. Bashley is there and uh laying in wait, like always at a simmer of if I need to become a rolling boil to take over, Bashley's there and waiting. But like I think that what helps people swallow the pill that is me sometimes is that I do it with a smile. And there's always the Midwestern nice to me. And you know, I think the dimples help. Um like, no, I'm not going to let that happen. And so, yeah, there will be only a certain level of tomfoolery that I'll tolerate. You know, on the grand scale of things, like we have come so far. Yes, there are still people who would do us harm just for existing, but I think that what brings me joy and keeps me going to continue fighting for equality and equity and belonging for our community is that there have been so many people prior to me doing that so that we can get to where we are. And so we didn't come this far just to get this far. So I think that that is something that I look at as joyful. There have been so many people prior to me doing that so that we can get to where we are. We didn't come this far, we didn't come this far just to get this far.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Ashley is that rare person who looks directly at the cracks in our society, feels the weight of that hostility, and still works tirelessly to uplift the community. Believe it or not, there's much more to come from them in the future. Ashley, thank you, and to everyone listening, thank you for tuning in. If this episode resonated with you, please hit the fan mail button and leave a comment. And please share this story with a friend. Until next time, be fit, stay sharp, and listen closely.